i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
