Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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