I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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