hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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