I got chris browned last night
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
