You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
His nipple licking is glorious
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