I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
