My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
