You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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