Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
