please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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