He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
