Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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