When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
