I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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