Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
