we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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