Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
