I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
