I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize