Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You can't motorboat a personality
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
