Will you blow on my dice?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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