When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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