I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
