true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
