heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
