I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
