He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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