my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You're like the curious george of whores
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize