im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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