I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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