We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
