What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
