You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
