I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
