I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
