i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
