My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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