The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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