so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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