Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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