my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
