never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
