Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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