I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
