i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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