Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
