I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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