Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
this is an emotional support booty call
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
