Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
