after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
