Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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