He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
