two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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