i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
