Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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