Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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