Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
