i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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