I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
