new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
