Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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