My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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