you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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