I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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