im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
