Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
