I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
