I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
