forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
