Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize
