i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
