So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
