he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
