I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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