her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
